therapa-hypno-groupamatize me!

Had therapy today thats always interesting and makes me wanna over-analyze every lil thing about it. Sholesy gave me a wake-up call : ) thank god cuz i woulda overslept. so ty ty ty to her.

On with the therapy..my therapist is hot...very hot..and the way she talks..her accent or something i dunno what it is but good god it sucks me in. But from the first time I went in her office I noticed on the wall next to the normal degrees in therapy, social work, MAs, etc. there were two certificates about "transpersonal hypnotherapy" I dunno what the hell that means but it somewhat freaks me out. The fact that we do "mindfullness" exercises in group to start off and just some of the ways of thinking they try and teach, it all just kinda freaks me out. Shes asked me before "what do you think you're barriers to therapy are?" and I wanted to reply with , this shit seems jus like a fucking cult all over again! but i didnt...I mean they teach from the dialectical behaviour therapy handbook and everything its not just they're own made up thing. But it still makes it difficult especially when she wants to do mindfulness exercises in our private sessions. Im paranoid shes somehow hypnotizing me. I think Ill ask her what that "transpersonal hypnotherapy" means next time.

We talked about shame today. I asked her a few questions yada yada. basically she said she'd have to consult the other DBT therapist cuz she didnt know. "supposedly there is a positive and negative to every emotion"...I cant see any positive coming from shame. Shame being different then guilt. guilt i can understand having some positive result it might make you not do what you did wrong again etc. but shame?? she didnt know either so of cuiorse this puts my mind in there are loopholes in their program. I must find them and point them out and show how its not all complete and yada yada. I confuse myself, I want to point out defects in any therapy that is made generalized -i guess thats the way to word it fuck if i know. but yet it really is helping me. I think a few changes should be made but overall it helps so why would i wanna sabatoge it..

I have group tomorrow heh..always interesting. There is an older lady in the group..and when i say older i dont mean shes old i just mean shes older then me..Im guessing shes around 50. She makes me NUTS!! She takes up at least 20 minutes every week of her rambling about the stupidest crap. She interrupts, she talks on her cell phone very loudly during break either in the room disturbing everyone else or outside leaning against MY car. She bitches about dial a ride week after week after week. After our mindfullness exercise she says she couldnt hear anything so she couldnt get involved with it, which is bullshit cuz shes sitting there with her cell phone messing with it ~probably playing snake or some dumb shit.
Then theres the lady that doesnt bathe often enough, I try to NOT sit next to her as much as possible. I dunno if she just got off of working in the 110 degree heat with no deodorant for 18 hours or what but dayum shes potent. The older guy who talks reaaaaaaaaaaaaaal slow and everytime he comments on something during group feels the need to point outhow hes done therapy , been in AA, done all this stuff before so he knows all about it. my question is..then why the hell are you in here commenting?? Theres the other older guy who i drove home a few times because he said he took the bus there and i felt bad cuz buses in phoenix suck ass seriously. Then the last time i dropped him off (thining he was taking the bus to group) I asked him if he wanted me to pick him up to take him to group(mind you i dont care for the guy at all, hes a big guy and seriously no shit when i drive with him in my car my car cries i can hear her...well maybe its jus the shocks but anyhow) he tells me oh no he doesnt need a ride to group because the apartment complex he lives in has a shuttle bus that drives him to group, and if he wanted he could even get them to drive him home. hold up say what? WHY the fuck am i driving you home if you can take some nice cuzhy shuttle van to and from group??!?? so yah I dont do that anymore I just pretty much completely ignore him when he does manage to show up. Plus the fact he invited me in to smoke weed with him one of the times i dropped him off kinda put me off- Old creepy dude-younger girl-drugs-stranger danger..eeeek NO.

so yep off to fun fun group tomorrow i'll go, hopefully Ill get up on time my schedules all jacked up as usual. maybenot so hopefully..I like the therapists and the information theyre giving but everyone else there irritates me to no end. Oh and i hope next time i dont obsessa nd convince myself that one of the paintings in the room a woman has her legs cut off in and her feet are there next to where she is all bloody with bones and stuff..that was shitty. if it does i think ill just get up, walk over and turn it around so its facing the wall if they all think im nuts..fuggit..i am duh!.