homework & the mantis

I started to do my homework, this week it is filling a kind of mood diary; Put the emotion in one box, the event in another, and the emotions function in the last box. I started thinking about what my strongest emotion of the day was, and pathetically enough it was the mantis. heh. Jack was going to eat it if he caught it and I pushed him away and caught it before he could, then brought it inside to play with. The last time I caught one I kept it for a few days but decided it didn't look so healthy so I let it go. This one I knew I wasn't even going to attempt to keep, I automatically thought, yay! a mantis I get to play with for a few minutes then I'll take it back out front to go on its merry little way. That's what I did, but thinking back it's odd that I didn't have any urge to keep it. I'm pretty much obsessed with the little bugs, they fascinate me to no end, but I knew it would want to be outside, going about it's regular life. The whole thing kinda got my head going on a whole metaphorical thought process. Things I love I hold on to. Tightly. I put them in cages and take care of them. I adore them and surround myself as much as possible with the things that bring me joy. Does it bring them any though? Reminded me of the poem by some dude I forget his name. Goes something like: "Relationships are like sand, held loosely with an open hand it stays, but grasp it tightly and almost all of it will slip away through your fingers". And the other one something like; "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it was yours. If not, it was never meant to be".
I never let things go. If the things I love were sand, I would add my own spit or tears to it and clasp it with my other hand.. shaping, and molding it into what I want it to be. But as soon as I took my hands away it would dry up and become sand again. It would float, fly, slide or sit stagnant. It would do what sand does.
sand sand sand... a piece of sand becomes a "beautiful" pearl..-I think theyre kinda ugly myself but hey whatever u like ya know. Sand eaten by one of my geckos will impact and kill them. I think glass is made from sand as well, glass that protects, glass that kills. Sand in an hourglass slowly falling showing time. Hmmm..

I wanna sandbox now....And I wanna place an order for a thousand Prayingmantis egg cases. I also want a new rat friend ofmy own to put with Matt's and the Tokay gecko I saw at the petstore the other day. I want a doberman so I can train it and feel safe, or that cute chihuahua the girl had the other day. I want a Great Dane cuz they're so pretty. I want to start making personalized doggie diner things (or cats) and thought about how I could get a spot at the swap-meet and buy those kind of inkpads that leaves the mark but then rubs off and people could do the paw print of their pet and i could hand paint that and the name and take measurements so it would be the exact fit for their dog/cat. I think..I..I don't feel like taking my meds and think I'm probably starting to get manic but don't care cuz it's better then feeling like shit. Yep. Of course I think I can control it like always. That when it gets to the extra-psychotic state I'll be coherant enough to start taking my meds again. Who knows..fuggit.
I told a friend earlier about buying all the Prayingmantis's. She asked is this going to turn into a helium thing? heh...scary..