over-tired rambling&bitching

Came back home today. I;ve been alone at my dads while they were out of town since monday? I forget when. I was supposed to be relaxing, I wanted to paint, work on my bazillion bright ideas. But what did I accomplish that whole time over there? I cleaned his pool, and made a necklace. pret ty fuck in pathetic. fuggit

My mom called me today, a friend of hers whose husband had bipolar killed himself last year today. The friend was upset and didn;t want to be at home, so they wanted to go gambling. She asked if I wanted to come along, whcih i seriouslly didn;t have the money too but I needed a vacation from my brain for a few hours, figured I'd play the penny machines for awhile and hopefully come out even. I lost all my money I broght to begin with of course. So what do I do? go home? just relax and listen to the lame ass band? nahhhh I pull out more money. But! I actually started winning!..i never win. I was up to 1000 bucks at one point. But I;m greedy and wanted more so I ended up coming home with 450$. damn damn damn, Wish I woulda stopped at a grand. that woulda been so so nice. I couldnt believe it i was down to nothing I pulled out more money was making my way over to the penny machines again and jsut for some unknown reason I put 5 bucks in the dollar machine and hit max credits which was three and got 3 7's 500$ boom! My jaw dropped. I was stoked. I felt a rush. I played another 1$ machine bam another 200$ I cashed in my voucher telling myself jesus pray, this is a whole months social security check in yer hand. I stuffed the money in my pocket and went for more. stupid move. oh well. In total I'm up 350$ which is cool cuz I once again blew money on crap I wasnt supposed to this month. I bought a new guitar, shes beautiful, plays sweet as all hell. I got a good deal on it-that was my reasoning. heh. I came home that day with a new guitar, a bag of beads from the bead store I hid from mom. It's hard to explain how I spent 50 bucks at the bead store..just doesn't go over very well, and a house gecko I caught from my dads house. She saw the guitar and the little deli cup with some unknown animal in it and gave me that "godammit candace wtf did you do now look"...I had to tell her about the beads a few days later and she was pissed. Now she's happy though because I won back the money I blew and a little extra. Oh and at the casinoI got this little fountain thing because my birthday is this month, they give you a 5 dollar voucher and a little gift. I thought it was pretty sweet and was actually hella stoked about it because its small and will fit in the anole cage. yay!

I went to gay denny's last nite seeing if there were any interesting people around. It was 3 am on a thursday night. there was 3 gay guys and an old lady..that was a bust.

I wish I wasn't socially retarded
I wish people who actually listened to me didn't give me that"you fuckin loser/nutcase get a job look"

If you couldn't tell I'm in a little bit of a depressed/everything sucks/wanna die mood. I'm trying though..try try try try try try ...try just a lil bit harder baby...