"..i think its kinda funny and i think its kinda sad.."

(that i have that song in my head alot lately)...

can someone tell me when precisely i fucked up and god said hey, lets throw a shitfest on candace for ?? years...or is it the whole...this is gods plan, i have to learn these things yada yada, god will never give you more then u can handle crap... cuz dude fer reals...i cant hang.
hello god are you there its me, no not margaret, candace..maybe you got our names confused...but i think im a pretty decent person, could ya lay off a lil bit?...


let's see if i can not be all depressed wah why me crap and come up with some humor out of the misery...hmmm...watchin someone discover they have a urinary catheter can be highly amusing...im sick i know but damn it was funny...watching the drs face after you tell her "ya know the business you work for has already been sued for telling another patient what you just told me" is amusing too..and then watching them fumble over their words to try and fix it made my grin get even bigger..watching interns eyes get reeeeal wide when they start hearing your "mental shit" is slightly funny, i particularly like answering their questions before they ask them. ex.: the dr says ask her the suicidal, homicidal, self harm, psychosis blah blah blah rundown and i jus say yes yes yes and yesssss...and smile : )

"..im not crazy im just a little un...well..yah i am crazy, nevermind..

sometimes i get certain songs stuck in my head at the most inconvienent times, like while sitting in an AA meeting (not for myself) and i keep hearing in my head"...im not an addict its cool, i feel alive.." over and over and over..and the whole " i think its kinda funny, i think its kinda sad, that the dreams in which im dying are the best ive ever had" in therapy, at the dr.s and the hospital..curioser and curioser..