visit with Dr. Dumbshit

::waiting in lobby::::
::walking into office 15 minutes late ::
Dr.Dumbshit: Sorry about the delay, I'm running late today.
Hatter: It's ok, no biggie
Dr.Dumbshit: How are you doing today?
Hatter: Shitty
Dr.Dumbshit: Why is that?
Hatter: Cuz I wanna die, and I'm hella paranoid lately
Dr. Dumbshit: *flips thru papers* It looks like last time you were in you were having some money problems, are you still having them?
Hatter: *half-laughs* nah, I hit the jackpot....yessss, I'm still having them, and more so now then before.
Dr.Dumbshit: So why do you think you are depressed?
Hatter: cuz my life sucks
Dr.Dumbshit: *flips through more papers* How about we try stopping all your meds?
Hatter: Are you for fucking reals?
Dr.Dumbshit: Well, it looks like the meds aren't helping you, so maybe we should try you without anything for awhile.
Hatter: So I can get like I was before and end up in the hospital again? I think that's a really stupid idea to be honest with you.
Dr.Dumbshit: So what do you think we should do then? I'm open to suggestions.
Hatter: Well apparently since I don't need meds yet I want to die, I should just go blow my head off.
Dr.Dumbshit: That's not an option.
Hatter: Why the fuck not? You just said I should try not taking any meds.
Dr.Dumbshit: What I said was they don't seem to be helping. In your case, the suicidal thinking is probably an obsessive compulsive problem and people just have to learn to deal with that.
Hatter: Oh yah? ...That's helpful.
Dr.Dumbshit: Why don't we try upping your Adderal dosage by 5mgs. Come back in a month and we'll see if that has improved your mood at all.
Hatter: (in head, ok so yah we're practicing 1940's medicine now by treating depression with speed this makes perfect sense stupid bitch) Fine, whatever.
Dr.Dumbshit: So, what kept you from killing yourself yesterday?
Hatter: I thought I was going to come in here and you would give me some hope and maybe an anti-depressant.

*my case managers' boss comes thru the door* (I'll call her CMB cuz i ferget her name)
blah blah blahs about getting me into an art program (that ive been trying to get into for at least 9 months now), and a peer support person (a friend...wouldn't think it'd be so hard to find a crazy friend for me to talk to but aparently they're having problems finding someone to "match" with me)

Dr. Dumbshit to CMB: So Candace is talking about killing herself
CMB: Do you have a plan?
Hatter: Do I need one, is it really that hard?
Dr.Dumbshit: How would you do it if you were going to then?
Hatter: Probably a gun (thinking in head, or the 90 pills of klonopin you just prescribed me plus what I have at home, or the thousands of milligrams of speed you prescribed me would work too)
Dr.Dumbshit: So, you have a gun then? Is it loaded? -to CMB: Were you aware she had a gun in the home?
CMB: Yes, I was aware
Hatter: (in head thinking...why would i have a gun if its not loaded, what does she think I'm going to smack myself to death with it?) Yes, I have a gun in my house, no it is not currently loaded.
Dr.Dumbshit: Do you have access to the ammunition?
Hatter: um...yah
Dr.Dumbshit: What's going to keep you from leaving here, going home and using it then?
Hatter: I dunno
Dr.Dumshit: Will you call the crisis line if you need to?
Hatter: yah, sure..can I go now?
CMB: Do you need to go to the PRC for the weekend?
Hatter: Fuck no *takes papers off desk* am I done now?
Dr.Dumbshit: Ok, I'll Have CMB walk up front with you and schedule your next appointment.
:::walking, CMB opens door to lobby::: Have a good day!
Hatter: *looks at line to check out and schedule next appointment, waits 5 minutes, throws papers on a chair and leaves* mumbles to herself: Fuck this shit, whats the point...