50 facts about yers truly
so the newest thing going around journals ive seen is list 50 facts about yerself. I'm gonna see if I can manage to think of 50....
1. The first journal I read of someone's 50 facts made me cry.
2. Shiva, one of the rats died yesterday, I have my guesses as to why she died but really, I'll never know.
3. My mom woke me up to go console my brother because she didn't know how.
4. I got to dig the hole and bury it
5. Ever since I was a kid I've been the designated animal "reaper"
6. I never agreed to the job
7. My stepdad ran over one of my cats and I had to go clean it up off the street and bury it...alone
8. My mom killed my gerbil and again I buried it..alone
9. My mom has killed quite a few animals (on accident) I buried them all
10. My stepdad killed my dog and two cats when I was in 2nd grade. (on purpose)
11. I don't feel confident in giving anyone animal care advice anymore, though logically I know about as much as vets do.
12. I went to the bank today with a bag full of change to deposit so my stuff would stop bouncing.
13. The teller told me they don't accept change unless it's rolled.
14. I think she felt bad for me because she decided to do it anyways.
15. I went to therapy today, I ran over time and the therapist had to go tell her next client she was running late.
16.I feel like crap for taking her time and someone else's.
17.I haven't eaten yet today, I'm hungry right now but don't feel like making the effort.
18. I stutter-worse when I'm nervous of course
19. I have a speech impediment and it took me years to learn how to say the "r" sound correctly
20. I still mess up the "r" sound sometimes
21. I have a habit of typing how it sounds in my head, which tends to make me look stupid. For instance when I say ...."ferever", "yer", or "er"
22. I cuss alot.
23. My plan on the way home from therapy was to go to the lake and hope I felt better.
24. If I didn't feel better I was going to drive out into the desert and kill myself.
25. I feel too tired to do either of those at the moment.
26. I'm a nerd.
27. I grew up poor, and my dad would complain when we came over to see him that our clothes were too ripped, stained, old, small, etc. and he only bought us new ones when we had to go to one of his teacher functions so he could parade me around as his little genius and have his teacher friends ask me obscure questions. He was very disappointed if I didn't know the right answer and then would shuffle me off to play with the other kids while mumbling she must be tired, or wanting to go play with the kids to make up for my mistake.
28. When I was in 5th grade my eyeglasses broke and I had to tape them in the middle together, even the teacher made fun of me.
29. The first time I heard voices I was in 2nd grade.
30. 3rd grade brought the first visual hallucinations, OCD symptoms, and I realized I was gay and what that meant, that year was also the first time I wanted to die.
31. I told my mom I saw and heard things and she saw my OCD symptoms, I got in trouble at school for my OCD stuff, and at home my mom let me cry and scream because I was scared of the hallucinations, I don't know why she didn't do anything. After a few months my stepdad came back home and the first night I went on my usual crying and knocking on her door for her to come help me they were coming thing and he came out and beat the shit out of me.
32. I never mentioned the hallucinations again till a few years ago -except for my first sponser in the cult, she told me it'd go away when the drugs got out of my system, it didn't.
33. I still get OCD with some things, I think it's engrained in my head though to hide everything that's not "normal" or bad things happen.
34.The last full year I attended was 7th grade, though I did miss 2 months of it.
35. I took my GED at 17(?I think) and didn't study, didn't try, didn't care and passed with an above average score.
36. I only took it so I could move back in with my dad and out of the meth house I was staying in with my uncle-in-law.
37. I've had my cat Kurt since he was born, his mother was my pet as well. Her name was B.J. for the lead singer of Green Day. Kurt was born was all white with bright blue eyes and I was convinced he was Kurt Cobain reincarnated.
38. I took him everywhere with me, I walked to friends houses and he'd sit on my shoulder, trips to my grandparents' house and I'd insist on taking him or I wasn't going.
39. At the grandparents I'd sit in the garage and play with him until it was time to leave.
40. Kurt is now 11 years old.
41. I rarely cry and when I do, 95& of the time as soon as my eyes start to water up I shut all my emotions off and leave the situation. 5% of the time I cry hysterically.
42. I still spin necklaces, string etc. like a "fist" when I'm nervous (any other cult people still do that?)
43. I have 8 bottles of pills on my desk right now sitting in front of the monitor
44. I have enough Klonopin to kill a horse.
45. I have enough Adderal to give myself a major heart attack, and prolly have some leftover.
46. I wish I could be happy
47. I wish I felt like someone gave a damn about me.
48. I wish my mother would've stopped my stepdad from abusing me
49. I wish my stepdad was dead
50. This is prolly gonna be my last post for awhile.
1. The first journal I read of someone's 50 facts made me cry.
2. Shiva, one of the rats died yesterday, I have my guesses as to why she died but really, I'll never know.
3. My mom woke me up to go console my brother because she didn't know how.
4. I got to dig the hole and bury it
5. Ever since I was a kid I've been the designated animal "reaper"
6. I never agreed to the job
7. My stepdad ran over one of my cats and I had to go clean it up off the street and bury it...alone
8. My mom killed my gerbil and again I buried it..alone
9. My mom has killed quite a few animals (on accident) I buried them all
10. My stepdad killed my dog and two cats when I was in 2nd grade. (on purpose)
11. I don't feel confident in giving anyone animal care advice anymore, though logically I know about as much as vets do.
12. I went to the bank today with a bag full of change to deposit so my stuff would stop bouncing.
13. The teller told me they don't accept change unless it's rolled.
14. I think she felt bad for me because she decided to do it anyways.
15. I went to therapy today, I ran over time and the therapist had to go tell her next client she was running late.
16.I feel like crap for taking her time and someone else's.
17.I haven't eaten yet today, I'm hungry right now but don't feel like making the effort.
18. I stutter-worse when I'm nervous of course
19. I have a speech impediment and it took me years to learn how to say the "r" sound correctly
20. I still mess up the "r" sound sometimes
21. I have a habit of typing how it sounds in my head, which tends to make me look stupid. For instance when I say ...."ferever", "yer", or "er"
22. I cuss alot.
23. My plan on the way home from therapy was to go to the lake and hope I felt better.
24. If I didn't feel better I was going to drive out into the desert and kill myself.
25. I feel too tired to do either of those at the moment.
26. I'm a nerd.
27. I grew up poor, and my dad would complain when we came over to see him that our clothes were too ripped, stained, old, small, etc. and he only bought us new ones when we had to go to one of his teacher functions so he could parade me around as his little genius and have his teacher friends ask me obscure questions. He was very disappointed if I didn't know the right answer and then would shuffle me off to play with the other kids while mumbling she must be tired, or wanting to go play with the kids to make up for my mistake.
28. When I was in 5th grade my eyeglasses broke and I had to tape them in the middle together, even the teacher made fun of me.
29. The first time I heard voices I was in 2nd grade.
30. 3rd grade brought the first visual hallucinations, OCD symptoms, and I realized I was gay and what that meant, that year was also the first time I wanted to die.
31. I told my mom I saw and heard things and she saw my OCD symptoms, I got in trouble at school for my OCD stuff, and at home my mom let me cry and scream because I was scared of the hallucinations, I don't know why she didn't do anything. After a few months my stepdad came back home and the first night I went on my usual crying and knocking on her door for her to come help me they were coming thing and he came out and beat the shit out of me.
32. I never mentioned the hallucinations again till a few years ago -except for my first sponser in the cult, she told me it'd go away when the drugs got out of my system, it didn't.
33. I still get OCD with some things, I think it's engrained in my head though to hide everything that's not "normal" or bad things happen.
34.The last full year I attended was 7th grade, though I did miss 2 months of it.
35. I took my GED at 17(?I think) and didn't study, didn't try, didn't care and passed with an above average score.
36. I only took it so I could move back in with my dad and out of the meth house I was staying in with my uncle-in-law.
37. I've had my cat Kurt since he was born, his mother was my pet as well. Her name was B.J. for the lead singer of Green Day. Kurt was born was all white with bright blue eyes and I was convinced he was Kurt Cobain reincarnated.
38. I took him everywhere with me, I walked to friends houses and he'd sit on my shoulder, trips to my grandparents' house and I'd insist on taking him or I wasn't going.
39. At the grandparents I'd sit in the garage and play with him until it was time to leave.
40. Kurt is now 11 years old.
41. I rarely cry and when I do, 95& of the time as soon as my eyes start to water up I shut all my emotions off and leave the situation. 5% of the time I cry hysterically.
42. I still spin necklaces, string etc. like a "fist" when I'm nervous (any other cult people still do that?)
43. I have 8 bottles of pills on my desk right now sitting in front of the monitor
44. I have enough Klonopin to kill a horse.
45. I have enough Adderal to give myself a major heart attack, and prolly have some leftover.
46. I wish I could be happy
47. I wish I felt like someone gave a damn about me.
48. I wish my mother would've stopped my stepdad from abusing me
49. I wish my stepdad was dead
50. This is prolly gonna be my last post for awhile.
posted by themadhatter at 3:37 PM
6 Comments:
I wish I knew more to say...
I bet you are tired of hearing that. I sometimes find myself spinning stuff, but thought I was a dork, and thought I'd never admit it.
Like I said before, I got you. Really.
*hugs, squeezes, kisses*
i care abot u moren u think
ps please take cara u
My name is Julia Bean and i would like to show you my personal experience with Klonopin.
I am 36 years old. Have been on Effexor for at least 5 months now. My dr put me on 5 to 10mg per night right from the start, I was on it for approximately 4 to 5 months before a friend showed up at my drs appt to tell him what was happening to me. I was sure I was losing my mind and afraid to tell them what was happening. They discontinued my klonopin on the spot and eventually all those symptoms went away it took months!! I don't recall having any withdrawl symptoms but I may have as I had never been on many meds before!
I have experienced some of these side effects-
Periodic Amnesia that increased as time went on, confusion, blurred vision, Muscle Pain, Left Sided numbness and weakness, pneumonia... plus plus plus
I hope this information will be useful to others,
Julia Bean
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