Sati is tickling my neck and playing with the hair on the back of my head..
ok so the title is not really a title but oh well. I'm sitting here trying not to laugh or jerk as she works through my hair looking for who knows what, I want her to be comfortable being held and around people so yah..anyways..She got so big in like a week I swear shes huge now. wel not huige but just bigger then before. Shes scared of the keyboard clicking. shell come down my chest to it but then if i hit a key too hard she runs back up on my shoulder. I love my collection of furry creatures. and the not furry ones too. which brings me to the whole point of whats on my mind lately.
I can't stand being at home. 5 minutes of it feels like I've been through the stress/emotional/insanity grinder and came out the other side as bits and pieces of myself. So I went camping, I had to get away. Either that or the hospital and well. I wont, will not, never, etc. go to the hospital again so..a camping i went. by myself, in a dispersed campsite so the closest people were two miles away. My birthday was on sunday
**** k.unttttttttt.o -ok so when my animals decide to walk across the keyboard and spit out random letters I just delete them and go on with what i was doing but Sati did this one and just the combo of letters when I looked up had me crackin up. apparently she thinks im a kunt, she needs to work on her spelling i guess lol***
back to what i was saying my bday was on sunday my dad had left on voicemail on my cell a few days before and asked if we wanted to come over cook out etc. I called him back said that sounded good and he asked what time and a couple more questions i forget but pretty much sounded like he didn't wanna do it at all. So of course I felt bad and yada yada, I run to the mountains. I didn't want to leave but saturday night they started calling telling me i "have" to come. : / So i drag my ass back down outta my perfect serene happy place into "Dramaville, 85374"
I come home the house is trashed as usual, rather then clean out there my mom decided she would rather pick up my room (which really means, lets go snoop through candaces stuff) The computer monitor is broken, my mom let my 5 year old nephew unattended in my room to play games and now the screen is dead. The unattended part is what really amazes me I look around my desk right now and there is at least 5 pill bottles, scissors, miscellaneous pills jus sitting, then my animals my fish he likes to feed by dumping hte whole bottle of food in and the lizards he likes to give heart attacks to by pounding on the glass for them to come out so he can see them. I love my nephew don't get me wrong I like spending time with him and I'll let him feed the fish play on the puter, play with the lizards etc. ATTENDED though.
I asked my mom if she would take care of my animals while I was gone, she said no problem. I made out very detailed lists of everything that needed done everyday for all of them. I asked her she said yes, did she do any of it? no. I would've asked one of my brothers or taken them to my sisters if she didn't want to but she said she would do it. So now all the lizards have gone a week without food the store doesnt get crickets in until tomorrow. The Anole cage flooded for some reason and she threw in dirt(from who knows where) instead of bark chips even though i specifically said use the bark chips if you add too much water in my directions. My dog looks like he's gained ten pounds in the 4 days i was gone, I asked if she fed him right she swears she did, but she also denies feeding him the dozen eggs a few months ago even though my sister was there and says she did. She never bothered turning the fish light on and admits to forgetting to feed them for a few days. And the geckos had no water at all. So much for taking care of the animals eh.
So I'd like to go camping again, I need to go camping again, but what about my animals? besides the fact she can't take care of them like supposed to, I miss them tons when I'm gone. I'm gonna be house sitting next week, which is ok beause i can drive back and forth a few times to come see/check on them all. but i dunno. Basically it all comes down to:
I need my own place. A place I can have my zoo without my family around to drive me nuts. Where I can do what I wanna do when I wanna do it and not be asked 5 million fucking questions about it. Thats enough bitchin for now I think.
oh and my case manager finaly called me while i was camping...a week after i said i was gonna off myself..she asked how i was...i laughed...thanks for nothing beeeeotch! she did tell me i should come in asap to see the dr and possibly go inpatient but definetly do day treatment kinda stuff. I agreed to call her when I got back into town. I think I'll wait a week or more..I really don't fuckin care. If I wanna die, I'm gonna do it. Doesn't matter where I'm at, contrary to all their opinions it's very easy to kill yourself in the hospital so basically..the case manager and dr's can bite me..
two choices:
1. camping-sleeping under the stars, physical labor that I love, showering in nature, watching the wild animals, the clouds, the weather, feeling peaceful.
or
2. hospi-inpatient or outpatient- being poked and prodded and given medications I don't want. Being forced to do things I don't want to do. Deignated smoke times/bedtimes/eating times/showering times/group times. I hate that shit. I hate schedules. I'm 23 years old and yer gonna tell when to eat, smoke, piss,shower and go to bed? FUCK that!
Quite an easy decision don't ya think?
I can't stand being at home. 5 minutes of it feels like I've been through the stress/emotional/insanity grinder and came out the other side as bits and pieces of myself. So I went camping, I had to get away. Either that or the hospital and well. I wont, will not, never, etc. go to the hospital again so..a camping i went. by myself, in a dispersed campsite so the closest people were two miles away. My birthday was on sunday
**** k.unttttttttt.o -ok so when my animals decide to walk across the keyboard and spit out random letters I just delete them and go on with what i was doing but Sati did this one and just the combo of letters when I looked up had me crackin up. apparently she thinks im a kunt, she needs to work on her spelling i guess lol***
back to what i was saying my bday was on sunday my dad had left on voicemail on my cell a few days before and asked if we wanted to come over cook out etc. I called him back said that sounded good and he asked what time and a couple more questions i forget but pretty much sounded like he didn't wanna do it at all. So of course I felt bad and yada yada, I run to the mountains. I didn't want to leave but saturday night they started calling telling me i "have" to come. : / So i drag my ass back down outta my perfect serene happy place into "Dramaville, 85374"
I come home the house is trashed as usual, rather then clean out there my mom decided she would rather pick up my room (which really means, lets go snoop through candaces stuff) The computer monitor is broken, my mom let my 5 year old nephew unattended in my room to play games and now the screen is dead. The unattended part is what really amazes me I look around my desk right now and there is at least 5 pill bottles, scissors, miscellaneous pills jus sitting, then my animals my fish he likes to feed by dumping hte whole bottle of food in and the lizards he likes to give heart attacks to by pounding on the glass for them to come out so he can see them. I love my nephew don't get me wrong I like spending time with him and I'll let him feed the fish play on the puter, play with the lizards etc. ATTENDED though.
I asked my mom if she would take care of my animals while I was gone, she said no problem. I made out very detailed lists of everything that needed done everyday for all of them. I asked her she said yes, did she do any of it? no. I would've asked one of my brothers or taken them to my sisters if she didn't want to but she said she would do it. So now all the lizards have gone a week without food the store doesnt get crickets in until tomorrow. The Anole cage flooded for some reason and she threw in dirt(from who knows where) instead of bark chips even though i specifically said use the bark chips if you add too much water in my directions. My dog looks like he's gained ten pounds in the 4 days i was gone, I asked if she fed him right she swears she did, but she also denies feeding him the dozen eggs a few months ago even though my sister was there and says she did. She never bothered turning the fish light on and admits to forgetting to feed them for a few days. And the geckos had no water at all. So much for taking care of the animals eh.
So I'd like to go camping again, I need to go camping again, but what about my animals? besides the fact she can't take care of them like supposed to, I miss them tons when I'm gone. I'm gonna be house sitting next week, which is ok beause i can drive back and forth a few times to come see/check on them all. but i dunno. Basically it all comes down to:
I need my own place. A place I can have my zoo without my family around to drive me nuts. Where I can do what I wanna do when I wanna do it and not be asked 5 million fucking questions about it. Thats enough bitchin for now I think.
oh and my case manager finaly called me while i was camping...a week after i said i was gonna off myself..she asked how i was...i laughed...thanks for nothing beeeeotch! she did tell me i should come in asap to see the dr and possibly go inpatient but definetly do day treatment kinda stuff. I agreed to call her when I got back into town. I think I'll wait a week or more..I really don't fuckin care. If I wanna die, I'm gonna do it. Doesn't matter where I'm at, contrary to all their opinions it's very easy to kill yourself in the hospital so basically..the case manager and dr's can bite me..
two choices:
1. camping-sleeping under the stars, physical labor that I love, showering in nature, watching the wild animals, the clouds, the weather, feeling peaceful.
or
2. hospi-inpatient or outpatient- being poked and prodded and given medications I don't want. Being forced to do things I don't want to do. Deignated smoke times/bedtimes/eating times/showering times/group times. I hate that shit. I hate schedules. I'm 23 years old and yer gonna tell when to eat, smoke, piss,shower and go to bed? FUCK that!
Quite an easy decision don't ya think?
posted by themadhatter at 12:29 PM
2 Comments:
happy late birthday
getta pet sitter
uhhhhhh *scratches head* well if you want to go camping again then tell your brothers to take care of the animals ? if you think they can handle it. um, like, don't go camping for a long time because i miss you when you're gone!!!
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